Wild Horse

Every now and then I find myself at the end of my rope.  I have a strong willed one on my hands and I don't always know how to parent her properly.  It is hard.  Today I was reading on Focus on The Family's website about parenting the strong willed child HERE because I don't know how to do it!  I think this is why it has been hard for me to parent, and I think I am bad at it, because those who either know how to deal with this do it well or those who don't have a strong willed child just don't get it.  Do some of you just feel like YES I LOVE BEING A MOM, this is what I was MADE to do?  Do you find joy waking up everyday and getting to work?  Boy oh boy, good for you.  This week I taught 172 7th graders about Abstinence, we talked about sex and STDs and marriage and that was a whole heck of a lot easier.  This mommy job is like trudging through mud with heavy wet clothes and shoes on not singing The Sound Of Music on a mountain.  Sometimes I feel guilty for saying this, seriously, like where is my heart in this job?  Just call me an honest person I guess.

Here are somethings I read....

One has to wonder why so many "experts" on parenting have failed to notice that some children are tougher to raise than others. One would never get that impression from reading the advice offered by this army of permissive psychologists, counselors, pediatricians, psychiatrists, and columnists for women's magazines, who are convinced that raising kids is as simple as falling off a log. All parents need to do, they have been saying for decades, is give them a lot of space, treat them like adults, and if absolutely necessary, explain every now and then why they might want to consider behaving better.
How nice it would be if that were true. Unfortunately, this rosy view is cruel nonsense. It leaves Mom and Dad with the impression that every other parent in the world finds it easy to lead children, and those who are having trouble with it are miserable failures. In most cases, it is not fair and it is not true.

How Parents Can Lead a Strong-Willed Child

1. You should not blame yourself for the temperament with which your child was born. She is simply a tough kid to handle, and your task is to match her stride for stride.  Boy can this be tiring and confusing..
2. Your strong-willed child is in greater danger because of his inclination to test the limits and scale the walls. Your utmost diligence and wisdom will be required to deal with him. You simply have to be tougher than he is, but do it without being angry and oppressive.  Sadly, I am often angry...and in my anger I become oppressive.
3. If you fail to understand his lust for power and independence, you can exhaust your resources and bog down in guilt. It will benefit no one.
4. For parents who have just begun, take charge of your baby now, hold tightly to the reins of authority, and quickly begin building into her an attitude of respect and obedience. You will need every ounce of awe you can muster in coming years. Once you have established your right to lead, begin to let go of the reins systematically, year by year.
5. Don't panic, even during the storms of adolescence. They never last forever. The sun will shine again, producing, perhaps, a beautiful rainbow over your spirit. You're going to get through this.
6. Don't let your child stray too far from you emotionally. Stay in touch. Don't write him off, even when your every impulse is to do just that. He needs you now more than ever before.
7. Give that kid time to find herself, even if she appears not to be searching.
8. Most importantly, I urge you to hold your children before the Lord in fervent prayer day by day by day. Begin every morning with a prayer for wisdom and guidance.  

What do we know specifically about children with particularly strong wills?

• There are nearly three times as many strong-willed kids as those who are compliant.
• Birth order has nothing to do with being strong-willed or compliant.
• Most parents know they have a strong-willed child very early.  I discovered this early on, when Lillie was a new baby and was nursing in the middle of the night...she was so worked up she would not eat screaming and crying, finally I had to just have Mark take her away because I was getting so angry.  I was trying to feed her and do what I was supposed to...
• The temperaments of children tend to reflect those of their parents.
• Parents of strong-willed children can expect a battle during the teen years, even if they have raised them properly.

The best news for parents of strong-willed children is the rapid decrease in their rebellion in young adulthood. It drops almost immediately in the early twenties and then trails off even more from there. Some are still angry into their twenties and early thirties, but by then the fire is gone for the majority. They peacefully rejoin the human community.   This part was a little discouraging...its going to get harder maybe during the teen years? 

This is the HARDEST thing I have ever done.  AHHH Seriously, sometimes I do want to quit.  Resign and turn in my mommy badge...even now as I am trying to type this and have some mommy time we are battling for naptime, she didn't seem to notice her eyes were heavy. 

Heres the good news...we have an awesome Father God who is ultimately their Father...somehow he has found it proper to entrust us with these little lives....here is a prayer for us mommy and daddys of the strong willed.

"Lord, You know my inadequacies. You know my weaknesses, not only in parenting, but in every area of my life. I'm doing the best I can to raise my kids properly, but it may not be good enough. As You provided the fish and the loaves to feed the five thousand hungry people, now take my meager effort and use it to bless my family. Make up for the things I do wrong. Satisfy the needs that I have not met. Compensate for my blunders and mistakes. Wrap Your great arms around my children, and draw them close to You. And be there when they stand at the great crossroads between right and wrong. All I can give them is my best, and I will continue to do that. I submit them to You now and rededicate myself to the task You have placed before me. The outcome rests securely in Your hands."

I've found that God is faithful, as a loving Father, to hear and answer that cry of the heart. Turn to Him for solace when you've reached the end of your rope. He will be there to comfort you and work within the soul of your beloved child.

If you are a mom and you have gone there and done that and your child is grown...feel free to take me under your wing...I will be your younger woman you can mentor.  God knows I need it!